飲星河 14 Hanover Square（追憶似水年華）

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Hanover

Square（追憶似水年華）

Can

it

really

be

sixtytwo

years

ago

that

I

first

saw

you

It

is

truly

a

lifetime，

I

know

But

as

I

gaze

into

your

eyes

now，

it

seems

like

only

yesterday

that

I

first

saw

you，

in

that

small

café

in

Hanover

Square

From

the

moment

I

saw

you

smile，

as

you

opened

the

door

for

that

young

mother

and

her

newborn

baby

I

knew

I

knew

that

I

wanted

to

share

the

rest

of

my

life

with

you

I

still

think

of

how

foolish

I

must

have

looked，

as

I

gazed

at

you，

that

first

time

I

remember

watching

you

intently，

as

you

took

off

your

hat

and

loosely

shook

your

short

dark

hair

with

your

fingers

I

felt

myself

becoming

immersed

in

your

every

detail，

as

you

placed

your

hat

on

the

table

and

cupped

your

hands

around

the

hot

cup

of

tea，

gently

blowing

the

steam

away

with

your

pouted

lips

From

that

moment，

everything

seemed

to

make

perfect

sense

to

me

The

people

in

the

café

and

the

busy

street

outside

all

disappeared

into

a

hazy

blur

All

I

could

see

was

you

All

through

my

life

I

have

relived

that

very

first

day

Many，

many

times

I

have

sat

and

thought

about

that

the

first

day，

and

how

for

a

few

fleeting

moments

I

am

there，

feeling

again

what

is

like

to

know

true

love

for

the

very

first

time

It

pleases

me

that

I

can

still

have

those

feelings

now

after

all

those

years，

and

I

know

I

will

always

have

them

to

comfort

me

Not

even

as

I

shook

and

trembled

uncontrollably

in

the

trenches，

did

I

forget

your

face

I

would

sit

huddled

into

the

wet

mud，

terrified，

as

the

hails

of

bullets

and

mortars

crashed

down

around

me

I

would

clutch

my

rifle

tightly

to

my

heart，

and

think

again

of

that

very

first

day

we

met

I

would

cry

out

in

fear，

as

the

noise

of

war

beat

down

around

me

But，

as

I

thought

of

you

and

saw

you

smiling

back

at

me，

everything

around

me

would

be

become

silent，

and

I

would

be

with

you

again

for

a

few

precious

moments，

far

from

the

death

and

destruction

It

would

not

be

until

I

opened

my

eyes

once

again，

that

I

would

see

and

hear

the

carnage

of

the

war

around

me

I

cannot

tell

you

how

strong

my

love

for

you

was

back

then，

when

I

returned

to

you

on

leave

in

the

September，

feeling

battered，

bruised

and

fragile

We

held

each

other

so

tight

I

thought

we

would

burst

I

asked

you

to

marry

me

the

very

same

day

and

I

whooped

with

joy

when

you

looked

deep

into

my

eyes

and

said

“yes“

to

being

my

bride

I“m

looking

at

our

wedding

photo

now，

the

one

on

our

dressing

table，

next

to

your

jewellery

box

I

think

of

how

young

and

innocent

we

were

back

then

I

remember

being

on

the

church

steps

grinning

like

a

Cheshire

cat，

when

you

said

how

dashing

and

handsome

I

looked

in

my

uniform

The

photo

is

old

and

faded

now，

but

when

I

look

at

it，

I

only

see

the

bright

vibrant

colors

of

our

youth

I

can

still

remember

every

detail

of

the

pretty

wedding

dress

your

mother

made

for

you，

with

its

fine

delicate

lace

and

pretty

pearls

If

I

concentrate

hard

enough，

I

can

smell

the

sweetness

of

your

wedding

bouquet

as

you

held

it

so

proudly

for

everyone

to

see

I

remember

being

so

over

enjoyed，

when

a

year

later，

you

gently

held

my

hand

to

your

waist

and

whispered

in

my

ear

that

we

were

going

to

be

a

family

I

know

both

our

children

love

you

dearly

they

are

outside

the

door

now，

waiting

Do

you

remember

how

I

panicked

like

a

mad

man

when

Jonathon

was

born

I

can

still

picture

you

laughing

and

smiling

at

me

now，

as

I

clumsily

held

him

for

the

very

first

time

in

my

arms

I

watched

as

your

laughter

faded

into

tears，

as

I

stared

at

him

and

cried

my

own

tears

of

joy

Sarah

and

Tom

arrived

this

morning

with

little

Tessie

Can

you

remember

how

we

both

hugged

each

other

tightly

when

we

saw

our

tiny

granddaughter

for

the

first

time

I

can“t

believe

she

will

be

eight

next

month

I

am

trying

not

to

cry，

my

love，

as

I

tell

you

how

beautiful

she

looks

today

in

her

pretty

dress

and

red

shiny

shoes，

she

reminds

me

so

much

of

you

that

first

day

we

met

She

has

her

hair

cut

short

now，

just

like

yours

was

all

those

years

ago

When

I

met

her

at

the

door

her

smile

wrapped

around

me

like

a

warm

glove，

just

like

yours

used

to

do，

my

darling

I

know

you

are

tired，

my

dear，

and

I

must

let

you

go

But

I

love

you

so

much

it

hurts

to

do

so

As

we

grew

old

together，

I

would

tease

you

that

you

had

not

changed

since

we

first

met

But

it

is

true，

my

darling

I

do

not

see

the

wrinkles

and

grey

hair

that

other

people

see

When

I

look

at

you

now，

I

only

see

your

sweet

tender

lips

and

youthful

sparkling

eyes

as

we

sat

and

had

out

first

picnic

next

to

that

small

stream，

and

chased

each

other

around

that

big

old

oak

tree

I

remember

wishing

those

first

few

days

together

would

last

forever

Do

you

remember

how

exciting

and

wonderful

those

days

were

I

must

go

now，

my

darling

Our

children

are

waiting

outside

They

want

to

say

goodbye

to

you

I

wipe

the

tears

away

from

my

eyes

and

bend

my

frail

old

legs

down

to

the

floor，

so

that

I

can

kneel

beside

you

I

lean

close

to

you

and

take

hold

of

your

hand

and

kiss

your

tender

lips

for

the

very

last

time

Sleep

peacefully

my

dear

I

am

sad

that

you

had

to

leave

me，

but

please

don“t

worry

I

am

content，

knowing

I

will

be

with

you

soon

I

am

too

old

and

too

empty

now

to

live

much

longer

without

you

I

know

it

won“t

be

long

before

we

meet

again

in

that

small

café

in

Hanover

Square

Goodbye，

my

darling

wife

譯文欣賞

我們初次相遇，難道真的是六十二年前嗎？

年華似水，倏忽間我們已相攜一世。望著你的眼睛，當年的邂逅曆曆如在昨昔，就在漢諾威廣場的那間小咖啡館裡。

從見到你的那一刻起，那一刻你正為一位年輕的母親和她的小寶寶開門，那一刻當看到你的盈盈笑靨，我就明白我隻願與你執手攜老，共度今生。

我仍然不時想起，那天自己那樣地盯著你，一定很傻；就那樣情不自禁怔怔地望著你，追隨你摘下小帽，用手指鬆了鬆短短的黑髮，追隨你把帽子放在桌前，雙手捧起暖暖的茶杯，追隨你微撅櫻唇，輕輕吹走飄騰的熱氣，我的目光始終追隨著你，感覺自己在你的溫柔舉止間慢慢融化。

從那一刻起，一切似乎都鮮明瞭意義。咖啡館裡的來來往往和外麵鬨市的熙熙攘攘忽然都模糊了起來，我眼裡能看到的，隻有你。

光陰似箭，那一天卻不斷在我的記憶裡重演，鮮活如初。多少次我再次坐下，不斷追憶那天的點滴，不斷回味那些飛縱的瞬間，重新體會一見鐘情的美麗。歲月的流逝卻並冇有帶走我的愛戀感覺，這些體驗會永遠伴隨我，安撫我的寥寥餘生。

即使是當我在戰壕中控製不住地顫抖，我也不曾忘記你的容顏。我蜷縮在稀泥中，身邊是槍林彈雨，瀰漫硝煙，我把步槍緊緊地攥在胸前，一顆驚恐不安的心，還是想起了我們初識的那一天。身旁戰火呼嘯，恐懼讓我想要大聲呼叫，直到想起你，彷彿見到你在我身後盈盈淺笑，戰場忽然沉寂下來，在這珍貴的瞬間，我覺得自己暫時遠離了毀滅和死亡，飛向你的身旁。我拚命想留住這美好，直到睜開眼，周圍卻依然是血與火的生死戰場。

九月休假回到你身邊，我疲憊而脆弱，冇能再告訴你戰火紛飛時我對你的愛有多深。我們隻能緊緊擁抱在一起，彷彿要把對方擠碎。也就在那天，麵對我的求婚，你深深凝望我的眼睛，答應做我的新娘，而我早已歡喜地大喊大叫。

我現在正看著我們的結婚照片，總是放在妝台上的那張，就在你的首飾盒旁。那時候，我們多麼年輕，多麼純真。我記得我們站在教堂的台階上，開心得像一對甜蜜的鴛鴦，你還說我穿著製服多麼英武俊朗。照片已經舊得泛黃了，但我看到的，卻隻有當年青春的明媚姿彩。我仍然記得你母親為你做的那件新娘禮服，那些精緻的花邊和漂亮的珠飾。讓我再想一想，我還能聞到那婚禮花束的甜香，你那麼驕傲地捧著花，讓每一個人分享你的幸福時光。

一年後，你輕輕地把我的手放到你的腹前，對著我的耳朵悄悄透露這個讓我欣喜若狂的好訊息：我們就快有寶寶啦。

我知道我們的孩子都深深地愛你，他們現在就在門外等候。

你還記得喬納森出生的時候我那手足無措的慌張樣子嗎？當我笨拙地把他抱在懷裡，我還記得你笑話我的樣子，我看著他，我們都情不自禁地迸出了開心的淚花。

今天早晨撒拉和湯姆帶著小緹西也趕到了。你還記得嗎？第一次看到這個可愛的小孫女，我倆高興地緊緊擁抱。真讓人難以相信，她下個月就八歲了。親愛的，我不得不忍住眼淚告訴你，小傢夥今天穿著漂亮的裙子，閃亮的紅色小鞋，讓我立刻想起當年相遇時的你，連她的短髮也像極了年輕的你。當我在門口看到她的時候，她的笑容暖人心脾，這竟然也和你一模一樣。

我明白，親愛的，你累了，我應該讓你離開。可是愛人即逝，孤侶何傷！

這些年我們相濡以沫，白首到老，我總是逗你說你的容顏依然如昔。可這是真的，親愛的，我真的見不到他人眼裡的皺紋和白髮。現在我望著你，也還是隻能看到你嬌嫩溫柔的紅唇和秋水流盼的眼眸，彷彿我們第一次在那條小溪邊野餐，在那棵巨大的老橡樹旁追逐嬉戲。那時候我們剛剛在一起，總是盼望那樣的日子生生世世，你還記得嗎？那些日子是多麼激情盪漾，讓人不忍回首……

親愛的，我應該走了。孩子們都等在外麵，他們要和你道彆。

我擦去了眼角的淚，跪在你的身邊，輕輕靠近你，握住你的雙手，最後一次吻你。

親愛的，安心地睡吧。

這分離扯碎了我的心。彆擔心，我很快就會來陪伴你。生死茫茫，塵世間冇有你，這滿腔的衷腸憑誰傾訴？這隻影的寂寥複有何歡？

很快，我們就能在漢諾威廣場的那間小咖啡館裡再相逢。

再會了，我的愛妻。

——摘自可可英語

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